Sunday, August 30, 2009

2:00 in the morning

I like this topic. This one came out quick, so I think could deserve a revisit. I'm looking for another one I wrote about 3:47 a.m. hope to post it soon. fee


2:00 a.m: the frenetic fulcrum of seasons

at 2:00, the bars close. they spill onto the streets.

at 2:00, it's either over, or it has just begun

a purgatorial mystery whether it's day or night
lonely and slow
creeping into you
as your drunken missteps take you home

at 2:00 you give up. he was never going to hit on you anyway.

at 2:00 you make your wishes, so you don't have to be so disappointed next time, and you can quit all the crying over spilt love.

at 2:00 you pick up a pen and sloppily detail the trajectory of your one-track mind

at 2:00 the fire lingers

1 comment:

Barbara Lorraine said...

Glad you enjoyed the topic :-) Definitely revisit! This will benefit a great deal from additional segments to break up the refrain of "at 2:00" (which by no means is a suggestion to cut down on it--the reinforcement of the repetition is you tie to the true identity of the hour), little morsels of elaboration that keep the poem from becoming a list, which is the best part of the purgatorial mystery segment.

The nature of what you're describing, much like in your Vegas piece, is very dark and gritty, so feel free to be more obscene; it'll contrast nicely with your beautiful descriptions and images (the crying over spilt love, the sloppy details of the one track mind). Be brutal and be specific.

Favorite line: "at 2:00 you give up. he was never going to hit on you anyway." Hits everything I'm talking about in my prev. paragraph. It's so direct that it hurts.

And I'm sorry it took me so long to comment back on this, but every single time I opened the window to comment, I would get sidetracked by something in the real world. Oy vey!