Saturday, January 24, 2009

Snippet of a Larger Piece

Not a poem or any other prompt, just something small from a larger piece I am working on. Posted just to post something!

He leaves her in the spring with a laugh and a smile and a promise. He leaves her in the spring with a grin and a gentle kiss, with her father’s smile and a gold band on her finger. He leaves her in the spring with the sun gold in his hair and her dowry clinking softly in his bag. He leaves her in the spring, jumps laughing onto the back of the tinker's wagon, his kiss warm on her lips and his promise to send for her echoing in her ears. He leaves her in the spring with her father’s smile and her mother’s hard look and something small and tight and heavy in her belly, a seed planted by the laughter in his eyes and the way he had leapt so lightly onto the back of the wagon, the way his coat had flared out in the wind like wings and he seemed for an instant to be in flight.

1 comment:

Barbara Lorraine said...

I mean, you know me, I'm a sucker for repetition, when it is utilized appropriately. My favorite part is the last sentence, mainly because of how much information you managed to fit in about her family and the baby and their connection, and in such a beautifully worded way. I might truncate the very last part--don't tell us that he seemed to be in flight, you know? Let us see it, the way we get to see everything else in the snippet. You do such a great job alluding to everything on the wayside, don't kill my buzz point blank.

I'm excited to see the rest of the larger piece! My interest has been piqued.