Sunday, December 7, 2008

Sort of on topic....

Since I couldn't think of any short story that falls into the realm of bending the rules of the world, I decided to write about a little experience I once had. Enjoy:

"Your change," the cashier blankly stated as he handed me two quarters.

I quickly snapped out of my fantansy that this cute cashier would tell me what a nice smile I had and swiftly pocketed the coins. With his dark rimmed glasses and bangs covering most of his hazel tinted eyes, I desperately tried to catch another glimpse as I started for the door.

"Hey," he sheepishly called out.

I turned back and that's when our eyes met.

Of all the things I could of said or done, maybe reply with a "yes?" or smile, I instead turned as red as a freshly picked strawberry.

He smiled that sweetly seductive smile of his, hinting that perhaps he found my strawberry red face cute, and slyly said, "you left your book."

Not thinking it was possible to turn even more red, I blushed harder. I gingerly made my way back to the counter, making sure to avoid his eyes for fear of exploding from embarrasment. As my fingers traced the spine of the book, I looked up to meet his gaze...

He smiled.

1 comment:

Barbara Lorraine said...

Luis, I really think you should read David Levithan's "How They Met and Other Stories." They're LGBT-friendly young-adult love stories, and although a few of them are stinkers, for the most part they are very geniune and beautiful, and I think you'd enjoy them, and perhaps find something similar to this piece in some of the stories.

I'd like to see you expand this into a longer scene at some point. Also, perhaps format it a bit more. Put in some line breaks to guide the way we read it (like with the last couple of lines. Instead of three periods trailing off, one period and a caesura-inducing line break introduces a bit of tension, so that we have a bit of a climax and some payoff, yes? Sexy times!). Mainly, expand!