The Cucumber Story

It's been (quite) a while, but I wrote this story up recently and thought I'd share it:

There once was a cucumber.  He was a bright, sweet cucumber, but he felt very sour and sad on the inside.  He thought that if he could become sour on the outside, then he could be sweet and happy on the inside.  So he set to thinking how he could become sour.

First he though of becoming a pickle, but there were problems with that; he was afraid of water, so that couldn't possibly work.  Next he thought to look for somewhere that made sour candy, and see if it would make him sour.  He visited a convenience store and bought some sour candy.  He ate it, and thought it was the most sour thing he had ever tasted.  Seeing the manufacturer's address on the back of the candy, he set off.  If anyone knew how to make him sour, this Sour Factory would.

The cucumber rolled, flopped, and plodded on his way to the factory.  A couple times he rode on the back of cats.  At one point the cucumber even had to work through his fear of water and brave a ditch.  It was a tough, rough, and smelly journey but he made it after three days.  Good thing the factory was only one mile away.

When the cucumber finally reached the Sour Factory, a guard stopped him from going in.  The guard said that the cucumber was far too stinky from his travels to come inside.  Not to be discouraged, the cucumber went to a soap mine that he knew nearby and flopped down all the way to the bottom of the cave to find the nicest smelling soap.  Finding it, he happily rolled in the soap cakes until he felt squeaky clean.

The cucumber started squeaking his way back up the cave, but the noise woke up a fruit bat .  Being woken up by so strange a noise, this fruit bat got confused and thought he was a vegetable bat, so he swooped down to eat the cucumber.  Luckily the cucumber was still slick and slippery from the soap, so the bat couldn't get a grip on him.  The bat tried again and again until the cucumber slipped safely away from the cave.  At that, the bat flapped sadly back to his perch on the cave ceiling, but unluckily for him, his claws had gotten slick and soapy  A minute later he slipped off, cracked open his little head, and died.

The now dusty (but fresh smelling) cucumber quickly returned to the Sour Factory and the stink-guard let him through.  However, behind him was a second guard that stopped the cucumber, saying that no vegetables we allowed in the sour factory.  Hearing this, the cucumber thought quickly and came up with something quite clever.  Seeing how dusty and brown he had become squeaking away from the bat he said, "but sir, I am not a vegetable.  I am a potato!"  The guard believed him and so the cucumber finally passed into the Sour Factory.

Walking into the center of the Sour Factory, the cucumber found the Sour King.  The King, surprised to see a cucumber in the Sour Factory, picked him up and asked, "what are you doing here, cucumber?"

"Oh Sour King," said the cucumber.  "I feel so very sour and sad on the inside, but quite sweet on the outside.  I was hoping you would help me become sour on the outside so that I could be sweet on the inside."

"Oh little cucumber, I could do that but you are already sweet on the inside!"  And to prove his point, the Sour King ate the Cucumber.  He was very sweet on the inside indeed.